I am a Planner

After 28 years of living within myself there are a few things I am certain of:

1. I am a planner. I like to make plans. When I was young flying by the seat of my pants was acceptable, I only had myself to answer for. As an adult I have two other people who look to me for guidance and who depend on me. I can't just drop what I am doing and run out to do what I want. So....when the hospital contacted me this morning and said my surgery had been moved up from 4 P.M. to 8:30 A.M. I almost stroked out. We do not have family where we live and it was not as simple as calling the person who was keeping Skylar and changing the time. Other people have lives and I hate interfering or imposing, which leads me to another certainty.

2. I do not like relying on others to take care of me. I have no problem taking care of others, as a matter of fact I rather enjoy tending to the needs of others. The unfortunate part is I have a difficult time letting others tend to me. I have a guilt I carry whenever I am sick or when someone else has to tend or help me. I feel like I am putting them out or being selfish for not being up and moving. I think a large reason I don't take better care of myself is because I avoid having to rely on others for help. I don't even like accepting help from my spouse let alone anyone else. I usually push through whatever illness or task I need help with and simply deal with it on my own.

3. I love being a Mommy!! It has been clear to me from a very young age that I wanted to be a Mom. There is nothing I find more satisfying than taking care of Skylar. I can have the most rotten day or be given the most rotten news and one sly smile from Skylar brightens me up and makes me forget what I was moaning over. She really is my cure all. Even on her worst days I still want to gobble up all her kisses.

4. I enjoy being married and having a family. This pretty much falls in line with being a mom I feel the same way about being married. I could do without the hard times, but who couldn't. I suppose in the big picture the crap times are supposed to make you appreciate and cherrish the good times. For the most part there are more good days then bad, I should focus on the positive more.

5. I put myself last....ALWAYS! Do I really need to say more. I am going to kill myself with neglect one day.

I think for now this is all I can say!